For those who will not be able to attend, http://www.iclips.net/ will produce a live webcast of the entire New York City event on August 1st AND the Los Angeles event on August 7th. All you need to do is go to their website and register an account. It’s easy and free!
Archive for June, 2008
A scene from the movie as it is being shot:
http://www.mtv.com/overdrive/?id=1589420&vid=250545
The Full Transcript:
"Hey, Edward," Bella says, walking up behind him as he continues to ignore her. "Really?"
"What was in Jacksonville?" Edward asks.
"How did you know about that?"
"You didn’t answer my question," he replies.
"Well, you don’t answer any of mine," Bella shoots back. "And you don’t even say ‘hi’ to me."
Pausing for a moment, Edward replies: "Hi."
After a sigh, Bella asks: "Are you gonna tell me how you stopped the van?"
"Yeah. I had an adrenaline rush," he stumbles. "They’re very common. You can Google it."
"Floridians — that’s what’s in Jacksonville," she says, continuing
to walk through the greenhouse and then stumbling, as the klutzy Bella
often does."Watch where you walk. Sometimes it helps," Edward teases. "Look, I’m sorry I’m being rude. I think it’s the best way."
At this moment in the scene, Kendrick’s Jessica runs up and scares
Edward away. "Bella!" she shrieks. "Guess who just asked me to the
prom? I totally thought Mike was gonna ask you, actually. Um, it’s not
gonna be weird though, right?""No, no. Zero weirdness," Bella responds. "You guys are great together."
"I know, right?"
Concluding the scene, Tyler Crowley sets off a sprinkler system, causing all the students to flee the greenhouse.
"Tyler!" Jessica screams. "What is wrong with you?"
This page will be updated regularly as other trailers show up. Check back frequently.
DUBBED:
Twilight Trailer in French
Twilight Trailer in German
Twilight Trailer in Italian
SUBTITLES:
Twilight Trailer with Spanish Subtitles
Twilight Trailer with Swedish Subtitles
This page will be constantly updated as new release dates for other countries not on the list are released
A
Argentina December 12, 2008
Australia December 11, 2008
B
Brazil December 25, 2008
C
Canada November 21, 2008
Chile November 27, 2008
Croatia December 25, 2008
Czech Republic November 27, 2008
D
Denmark February 6, 2009
E
F
Finland February 13, 2009
G
Germany January 22, 2009
Greece December 4, 2008
H,
I
Italy December 19, 2008
J, K, L,
M
Malaysia November 27, 2008
Mexico November 21, 2008
N
Netherlands January 8, 2009
New Zealand December 25, 2008
Norway February 13, 2009
O
P
Philippines November 21, 2008
Portugal December 4, 2008
Q
R
Russia November 21, 2008
S
Singapore December 18, 2008
South Korea December 12, 2008
Spain November 28, 2008
Sweden November 21, 2008
Switzerland January 22, 2009 (German speaking region)
T
U
UK December 19, 2008
USA November 21, 2008
V
Venezuela February 13, 2009
W, X, Y, Z
*note: Dates in yellow are updated after the 11.21.08 release change announcement.
*note: Dates in blue are unconfirmed release dates. That means I only got the info from another Twilighter who lives in that country and did not get any links to back up the information.
LINKS:
For Spain & Argentina http://www.just-cullen.com/pelicula.php
For the UK http://www.stepheniemeyer.co.uk/
For Russia http://community.livejournal.com/lion_lamb/1888417.html
For Portugal http://twilightportugal.blogs.sapo.pt/150650.html
For the Philippines https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=7497305315714201787&postID=6056600868337473589
For Italy http://www.twilightlexiconblog.com/?p=1434
For Malaysia http://www.cinema.com.my/news/news.aspx?search=2008.twilightchoke_2890
For Chile http://community.livejournal.com/lion_lamb/1916951.html
For Singapore http://twilightsingapore.wordpress.com/2008/08/26/twilight-singapore-t-shirt-design-competition/
For Australia http://twilightseriestheories.com/2008/08/18/australian-release-date/
For Mexico http://www.crepusculomeyer.com/noticias/26-08-2008-noticias-sobre-la-fecha-de-crepusculo-en-mexico
For Sweden: http://www.sf.se/filmer/film?filmid=77079780
For Czech Republic, South Korea, Netherlands, Germany, Denmark, Finland, and Venezuela: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1099212/releaseinfo
for Greece http://bestseller.gr/main.php?id=12&book_id=4415
16
Jun
the BLACK card
In the Breaking Dawn preview, Bella has mentioned a Black Credit Card in her back pocket. What is that?
To give you an idea of Edward’s spending power, there is only one black credit card that merits any kind of attention.. The Black Card.
What is the Black Card?
The Centurion Card, popularly known as the Black Card, is a charge card issued by American Express. The Centurion Card provides access to a range of exclusive privileges.To become a card holder, one is required to pay an annual fee and meet other criteria. As of 2007, the annual fee in the United States was $2,500, with a one-time $5,000 initiation fee for the first year.
Read More at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Centurion_Card
According to sources, there are certain requirements to become a card holder: the
minimum annual spending of $250,000, exceptional credit history and
significant financial assets.
As of 2008, there are only 17,000 card holders worldwide.
**Some Spoilers**
So, here are 4 facts we know about Breaking Dawn:
1.) Bella and Edward will be engaged
2.) Breaking dawn has a theme: A midsummer night’s dream
3.) It will be the last of the series to be written from Bella’s perspective
4.) It does not have an ARC so no one could possibly know for sure what it contains
So what are your breaking dawn theories?
14
Jun
Twilight News Archive
Never miss another Twilight News again! From now on, I will be posting Twilight News on this blog as well as the Bulletin Board. For now, here are the past posts:
Twilight News: 061308
Carter Burwell heads the Score Production for the Twilight movie soundtrack
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Mike Welch visits MTV News (Photos)
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The Cast & Crew of Twilight will attend the Comic Con San Diego for autograph signings, panel discussions, and more!
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Twilight Lexicon interviews Greg Mooradian (one of the producers for Twilight)
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Chapters Canada has a contest to win a trip to see Stephenie Meyer!
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Twilight News: 061208
Stephenie Meyer talks about the themes she had used for each books in the Twilight Saga.
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Harry
Potter VS. Twilight? Wizards VS. Vampires? Which side are you on? REELZ
Channel talks about the fans of both series in this video.
Potter VS. Twilight? Wizards VS. Vampires? Which side are you on? REELZ
Channel talks about the fans of both series in this video.
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Stephenie
Meyer and Blue October’s Justin Furstenfeld joins forces to celebrate
the release of Breaking Dawn. A concert-book-signing event!!! Check out
their interviews at MTV News and see the tour dates and locations here:
Meyer and Blue October’s Justin Furstenfeld joins forces to celebrate
the release of Breaking Dawn. A concert-book-signing event!!! Check out
their interviews at MTV News and see the tour dates and locations here:
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}http://www.mtv.com/movies/news/articles/1589042/story.jhtml
Twilight News: 060208
MTV Awards Red Carpet Pictures of Rob & Kristen
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http://www.mtv.com/photos/?fid=1588462&pid=2991557
Twilight News: 051608
Rachelle Lefevre Interview on E!
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Robert Pattinson Old Interview
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Michael Welch Updates his Blog
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Christian Serratos Updates Her Blog
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http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=77487028&blogID=395154418&Mytoken=AC68882A-6A17-444A-B4361B794887D2D370307335
BUY MOVIE POSTER OFF OF AMAZON!!!!!
BUY MOVIE POSTER OFF OF AMAZON!!!!!
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Twilight News 05/16/08
New interview with Catherine Hardwicke:
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Larry Carroll: A Twilight Guy
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Confessions of a Twilight Guy
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The Teaser Trailer now on the Official Twilight Youtube Page
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Twilight Article (with new pictures) on Vox
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What is ARC or Advance Reader’s Copy?
An advance copy, also known as an advance reading copy or ARC, is a copy of a book released by its publisher before the book has gone to press for a complete printing. ARCs generally do not have the final dust jacket,
formatting or binding of the finished product; the text of an ARC may
also differ from that of the published book if the book is edited after
the ARC is produced. ARCs are normally distributed to reviewers,
bookstores, magazines, and (in some cases) libraries between three and
six months before the book is officially released.
On rare occasions (for instance, the publication of an
eagerly-awaited or controversial book), a publisher may require the
recipients of advance copies to sign a confidentiality of content
agreement. However, in most cases the sheer number of ARCs produced and
their distribution makes that impractical. A typical genre publisher
may create 5,000 ARCs for a new book by a moderately popular writer.
Publishers also produce uncorrected bound proofs, also known as galley proofs,
in advance of publication. Galley proofs were historically only used in
the editing and proof-reading process, but publishers have recently
begun to use them as ARCs. These galley proofs may have bindings and
illustrations similar to that of the final copy, unlike old-style
galley proofs which were usually bound in plain paper covers and
without illustrations. Galley proofs differ from ARCs in that ARCs are
printed in full colour and in the same format as a published book,
while galley proofs are generally printed in black and white and are
significantly larger in size than most books. Publishers who produce
their galley proofs in electronic form do not use them as ARCs. [source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Advance_copy]
Please do not believe anyone who tells you they have already read Breaking Dawn. It is not true! Luna from Yahoo! Answers has e-mailed Seth Meyer, Stephenie Meyer’s brother and webmaster, and got this answer:
_________
"I usually don’t comment on this sort of thing. But if it makes you
feel any better, there are absolutely no Advanced Reader’s Copies of
Breaking Dawn. There weren’t any for Eclipse either."
–Seth
_________
14
Jun
When Edward met Juno
I found this on Fanfiction.net. I just want to share it with everybody because it was just too hilarious! It was made by a user named vale-wolfspirit.
vale-wolfspirit’s note: So this fan fic started at the Twilight
boards. First it was a game I came up with, it was aboutpeople posting
real Edward quotes from Twilight and real Juno quotes from Juno and
them put them together as a dialogue and see what it would be like if
Edward had fallen in love with Juno and Bella didn´t exist. But people
at the boardslikedwhat I posted, so I kept posting more dialogue until
it morphed into a crossover fan fiction with both stories merging into
one.
Before you read, keep in mind that I never write fan
fiction, so I’m not very familiar with the techniques. The narration
can seem a bit odd, so excuse that, okay? Also, my primary language is
not English, so excuse any weirdness on that department too.
Twilight in Juno - A story about growing up… and the vamps along the way.
"Juno?" said Edward.
"No, it’s Morgan Freeman. Do you have any bones that need collecting?".
"You’re late. I was getting anxious. I get anxious when I’m not around you".
"Yeah
I came as soon as I got that ultrasound goo off my pelvis. It was crazy
actually, my step-mom verbally abused the ultrasound tech and we got
escorted off the premises."
"Does your father know that you’re with me? Do they know where you are?"
"Nah… I mean, I’m already pregnant, so what other kind of shenanigans could I get into?"
"You know I’m very dangerous. Someone should know that you’re with me".
"Wow - I’m at suicide risk."
"I’m serious, Juno! What if I can’t control myself and something happens? And… and".
"It wouldn’t be the worst thing that has happened to me after being alone with a boy, cool it".
"Your pregancy is not something to laugh about. It makes you smell too good".
"I know, I’m a legend. You know, they call me the cautionary whale. Wait - do you want to EAT the thing?"
"No
Juno! It’s you — you smell really good. I think it’s because you’re
pregnant, and the hormones help, perhaps. But I wouldn’t hurt you. I
can control myself. I love you too much to hurt you".
"Oh. Well,
I wouldn’t mind if you wanted to eat it, though. Like, if I could just
have the thing and give it to you now for lunch, I totally would. But
I’m guessing it looks probably like a sea monkey right now and we
should let it get a little fatter and bloodier".
"I don’t want your baby Juno. I want you. You’re my life now".
"And you’re the cheese to the macarroni, Cullen".
"Really? That doesn’t sound very appetizing".
"Oh…well, you’re the baby to my stomach. Better?"
"You’re going to be the end of me, Juno".
"Wow, your eyes are like specially gold today".
"I went hunting with Emmett for our date, he was the only one who wanted to come with me".
"Go Emmett. At least one of them can stand me. Unlike Rosalie. She’s super beautiful but really mean, like Diana Ross."
"They
all like you. Really. We’re just very close, you know? It’s all thanks
to Esme and Carlisle. We talk about everything with each other and we
protect ourselves from the unknown. We’re a family. And they would love
nothing more than for you to be with us one day."
"Yeesh, they
sound like a cult, is what the sound like! And besides they already
have four kids. They’re just like greedy little bitches!"
"I thought you’d be the kind of girl who would like to join us…?"
"I don’t know what kind of girl I am."
"I do. That’s why I fell for you".
"Really?"
"Yes. The lion fell in love with the lamb".
"Wow…
Isn’t that kind of — gay? Oh, I could so go for like a huge cookie
right now, with like, a lamb kabob simultaneously. You should have said
lamb"
"You’re hungry again? I think I can take you somewhere to dinner… Again."
"Silencio, Old Man!"
"I’m 17".
"… and for HOW long have you been 17, wise-ass?"
"For awhile".
"I know, but how long?"
"I was born in 1911".
"Whoa! Honest to blog?"
"Yes, really".
"And why do you look so Abercrombie and Fitch? Shouldn’t you look like Larry King by now?"
"Vampires never age"
"Really?
At all? And I thought you were kicking it Old School and you’re Kicking
it Old Testament. You look like that since 100 years ago?"
"The same, except I had green eyes. But my body is the same."
"All of you? Or just your face? Like, when you take you clothes off do you have, like, an ancient junk?"
"No, Juno. All of me it’s young".
"…Whoa Ed! You’s a dick! I love it!"
"Really, you’re not affraid of me?"
"Why are you so shocked that I’m acting cavalier at the fact that you like people-juice?"
"Ugh…where do you want to go if you don’t want to eat again?"
"I don’t know, man"
"I can take you to a special place I go when I want to be alone". grins mischievously
"An X rated theater?"
"No, Juno. A meadow".
"Whoa! DREAM BIG! Is it safe though?"
"I will protect you. You have nothing to worry about"
"I meant safe for YOU! It’s really sunny out there, what if you end up like grilled cheese in the woods?"
"Myth".
"Really? My dad had this weird obsession with Roman or Greek mythology or something and he decided to name me after Zeus’ wife."
"Zeus wife?"
"Yeah and I mean Zeus had tons of lays but I’m pretty sure Juno was his only wife."
"Just like you’ll be the only one for me". smiles with his perfect crooked smile
"Wait… are you telling me you’ve had tons of lays?"
"Hop on my back, let’s go" smiles
"You man skank! Wait, so, are you going to turn into a bat or something?"
"We don’t fly, Juno."
"Wow,
I thought you did. I thought you and your brothers flew across Forks
with their things bouncing around in their pants. I always picture you
naked, even if I don’t want to. All I see is pop sickles.”
"…" heavy sigh
"Fine, take me to that meadow of yours before you start male PMS’ing again for me being insane enough to be with you when you’re the creepy one who can’t stop watching me sleep and take showers.”
Edward tries to help her climb on his back, but her belly is too big for that
"Do you sense something between us?" said Juno.
"Okay, maybe I should just carry you in my arms".
Edward carries her and starts running into the forest. They finally find a very beautiful meadow. Edward puts her down
"Wow, man! Are you on ‘roids or something? That’s even worse than your psychotic driving."
"I’m so sorry, Juno. I thought you knew".
"Yes,
because everything is so perfectly clear about you. Like, you’re old
enough to be Franklin Roosevelt, you know, the cute one with polio, but
you look like the hot dude in that last Harry Potter movie".
"I’m terribly sorry, are you okay?"
"Yeah,
just let me re-accomodate the fetus climbing up my throat and I’ll be
good. It’s a miracle I didn’t barf on your Burberry coat. My barf
reflex is already heightened these days.".
"Are you sure you are okay? I knew this was a mistake".
"I’m fine, Cullen. Cool it. You’re easily becoming the bitch in this relationship with all your whining".
"Fine. Do you want to see what happens when the sun touches my skin?"
"If it’s not something I’ve seen in Wizard of Oz, then show me, vamp boy".
“I will not melt. Watch.”
Edward steps into the sunshine and starts shimmering, like tiny diamonds incrusted in skin
"Oh my blog!"
"It’s pretty neat, huh?"
"It‘s a bit– gay, isn‘t it?"
He puts his Burberry coat on again
"Jesus, I’m just teasing.” laughs Edward stares down to the ground looking sad
“I’m
sorry Cullen. I’m sorry I acted like such a bitch. It’s the pregnancy.
If it’s any consolation I have heartburn that’s like, radiating down to
my kneecaps and I haven’t gone number two since Wednesday. Morning!”
“I’m sorry, you feel bad, Juno.”
“You
know, my dad says that the best thing you can do is find the person who
will love you for who you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty. The
right person will think that the sun shines out of your ass. In you’re
case, that’s literal".
"Are you saying that you love me?"
"I just need to know it’s possible for two people to stay happy together forever. Or at least for a few years."
"I can love you forever, Juno. No matter what".
"I
think I’m in love with you, for real. You’re like… the coolest person
I’ve ever met, literally, and you don’t even have to try. Because
you’re dead".
"I try really had, actually"
"No, you’re
naturally smart, because you’ve gone to Harvard like 10 times. You
always think of the funniest things to do, like shining like a Liberace
suit. Remember when you almost murder the entire class in Biology when
you first met me because my smell turned you into a pervert? That was
hilarious"
"I was just bored. I’ve only been to high school like 80 times"
"Plus,
you’re the only person who doesn’t stare at my stomach all the beep
time. You actually stare at my face, when my neck is not in your way.
And every time I look at you, the baby starts kicking really fast"
"That’s because it’s instincts are telling it to be afraid"
"Regardless. But I like to imagine that it’s because my heart starts pounding when I see you".
"It’s your instincts are telling you to be afraid. Seriously, do you know what you’re doing by being here alone with me?"
"I
know. Maybe they’ll canonize me for being so selfless. But basically
I’m completely smitten with you, and I don’t care if I’m making an ass
right now, because you’ve seen me make an ass out of myself a million
times and you still salivate when you smell me"
"Well, you are exactly my brand of heroin"
"And
that’s all I need from you. That’s more than I could ever ask for.
You’re just golden dude. All of you, not just you eyes after you’ve
eaten a mount lion"
"I want to try something now"
Edward lean down and presses his cold lips against hers
"That wasn’t bad. I thought it would be harder but I could do it"
"Cool. Now can we make out for real? Pronto?"
CHAPTER TWO
"About three things I was absolutely positive. First, it started with a chair.
Second,
there was a part of him - and I didn’t know how dominant that part
might be - that he thirsted for my spawn. And third, he was total boss".
animated to a geeky/boring song sequence of Juno walking around Forks drinking Sunny D
"I
always knew Edward secretly wanted me. Jocks like him always want
freaky girls. Girls with horn-rimmed glasses and vegan footwear and
Goth makeup. Girls who play the cello and wear Converse All-Stars and
want to be children’s librarians when they grow up. Oh yeah, jocks eat
that beep up. But Edward wasn’t the typical jock. First, his real age
was 100, although his body said seventeen and his eyes said ‘I want
your blood, man’. Second, he was going to live for ever - as a hot
looking corpse."
Juno and Edward walk together to their lunch table. Everybody follows the pair with their eyes
"We sure make their day. Me looking like a planet hanging out with a runway looking Nosferatu".
"Be quiet, they can hear you, Juno".
"Oh,
right. ‘Cause nobody has any idea of what you are despite the fact that
you and your family are oddly private, you never come out when it’s
sunny and, how can I forget, you are all inhumanly hot and rock the
same creepy golden eyes and albino skin despite not being related to
each other at all."
"We try to fit in as much as we can and try no to raise any questions." said Edward playing with his food, but not eating it.
"I
must say, it’s a bit of a relief to know you’re all blood sucking
vampires. I just thought that your matching gray bags under your eyes,
pale skin and you guys throwing away your food was because you were all
anorexic".
"We like to call ourselves, vegetarian".
"I used to like to call you man-orexic.”
Rosalie is staring at Juno with her most unfriendly face. She manages to mouth silently I…hate… you…
"Your almost incest partner just gave me the stink eye. And I think she might want my baby too".
"Rosalie doesn’t hate you. She just worries about me"
"Here we go again…"
"Seriously Juno, don’t you realize how dangerous we are? She’s afraid you’re going to expose us"
"Are you sure she doesn’t think I’m just a teenage pregnant skank?"
"That too."
"…Wizard".
"No, vampire".
"It’s teenage slang, Cullen. Not all of us speak Jane Austen lingo."
"Anyway,
I was just thinking you should stay away from me. What am I going to
tell the chief of Hot Ventilation and Air Conditioning Mc Guff when his
daughter doesn’t come home from a date with me?"
"Just say -
Sorry, chief. I just ate your daughter for dinner and her spawn for
dessert. Besides I thought you were going to turn me into one of you’s".
"That is impossible".
"Come
on! I can move in with your family. We can be like the Partridge
family, but with a kick ass Iggy Pop tribute band . We would already
have the rad, undead look, all we need is Carlisle’s money for some hot
guitars" plays air guitar
"I could never do that to you, Juno. I love you too much to do condemn you to eternal life and hell damnation".
"That’s
the spirit. But really, do you want to be with me forever if I age?
What’s gonna happen when I start to look like Bea Arthur?"
"You’ll be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen even then"
"Tell that to the police when I go to jail for child molestation. Come on, is it really that bad?"
"Yes, it is"
"I’m
going to convince you somehow one day so you should stop thinking about
it and just do it. Like ripping off a band aid. Quick and painful and
let it bleed - oh, sorry, bad choice of analogy. I don‘t you to be more
hungry than you look already"
"I’m not going to kill your soul, Juno"
"That’s the best part! And then I would go all “Blaaaaah! I’m a Dracula from Forks!”"
"Eat your food".
Juno walks with Edward to Biology class. They seat together as lab partners.
"Mr.
Banner started class at that moment. The slides on the box were out of
order. Working as lab partners, we had to separate the slides of onion
root tip cells into phases of mitosis or some science shi t like that."
"Well, nothing like experimenting! Ready for some mitosis magnificence?" I said.
"I’ll go ahead. You can copy my answers if you need to" said Edward.
"Oh, I couldn’t copy you work".
"You copy my work everyday, Juno".
"Oh yeah. I’m kind of a deadbeat lab partner, huh?"
"I don’t mind. You definitely bring something to the table".
"Charisma? Oh no, wait. Spawn smell that turns you on?"
"Or something".
CHAPTER THREE
Blood
is Edward Cullen’s one and only vice. When we made out, the day of the
Liberace suit, his mouth tasted really salty and delicious.
"So…what’s on the agenda for the day?"
"Hmmm… What would you say to meeting my family?"
"Balls!"
"Excuse me?"
Juno gulps
"Are you afraid now?"
"Well YEAH!"
"Don’t worry. I’ll protect you"
"I’m not afraid of THEM. I’m afraid they won’t like me. Do they know…?"
"Oh, they know everything. They know you know about them."
"Yeah, I meant do they know about my bastard situation?"
"Everyone
knows at school, Juno. And Carlisle works at the hospital, remember? He
was there when you and your step mom were escorted off the premises the
day of you ultrasound"
"Ick! I forgot about that."
"Don’t worry. They’ll like you"
"For lunch".
"And you should introduce me to your father too, I think."
"He already knows you"
"As your boyfriend, I mean"
"Why?"
"Isn’t that customary?"
"Yeah, like a hundred years ago - oh, wait."
"That wasn’t very funny"
"It was very funny and you know it"
"Are you going to tell Mac I’m your boyfriend or not?"
"I don’t know. He thinks it’s kind of messed up to date someone in my condition. He says it’s kind of skanky, or skeevy…".
"Well,
we don’t have to give him all the gory details. But he will need some
explanations for why I’m taking you out tonight. I don’t want the chief
of Heating and Air Conditioning running me over with his van"
"Listen, Edwar-duuuuuuuuuhhhhh. We‘re not doing that. Plus, why do you worry about him running you over. You would survive. Literally."
Edward drives Juno to his house to meet his family.
"Carlisle, Esme. This is Juno"
"You’re very welcome, Juno"
"Nice to see you again, Dr. Cullen. No security men between us this time"
"Uh… please, call me Carlisle"
"Where are Alice and Jasper?"
Alice ran downstairs coming into a sudden graceful stop in front of Juno
"Hi Juno!" kisses Juno’s cheek
"You do smell nice, I never noticed before"
"It’s the spawn. Cullen likes it too. Edward, I meant. Not Carlisle. Although who knows, right?" winks at Carlisle
awkward silence. Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett join them
"Well, we’re so glad that you came. Would you like something to drink?"
"Marker’s Mark, please. O Negative. Up".
"She’s joking. Juno has a wonderful sense of humor. One of her many gifts"
"I
also have great teeth for vamping one day. No cavities. We finally got
fluoridated water on Forks. And wait till I join you, they’ll look
hotter" bares her teeth
All stare, unflappable. Carlisle ushers Juno to the living room, all follow where they seat down for a nice chat
"Like some Iggy, Carlisle?" Juno winks
"…some…?" Carlisle answered confused.
"So… you’re pregnant" said Esme.
"Yeah, maybe I’m having twins. Bleeker might have mutant sperms and he knocked me up twice when he humped me with his bony bud."
"was this premeditated?" asked Esme.
"Yeah - it was a premeditated act. The sex, I mean. Not getting pregnant."
"And what did you feel like when it happened?" asked Alice.
"Humping Bleeker’s bony bud? It was magnificent, man!"
"No - uhm. Finding out that you were pregnant."
"Oh.
I wanted to procure a hasty abortion as soon as I found out but I
freaked out when I went to the clinic. It smelled like a dentist there
and they told me babies have nails, and I didn’t know that, and the
receptionist tried to give me these weird condoms that looked like
grape suckers, and she told me about her boyfriends pie balls… So I
couldn’t do it and left the clinic and decided I should give the baby
to somebody who actually likes that kind of thing. Like a woman with a
bum ovary or some nice lesbos."
"That’s a very nice thing to do, Juno." said Esme.
"I don’t know. Like what if the adoptive parents turn out to be some evil molesters? Or stage parents?"
"I think you’ll find the best family for your baby. Do you know the sex yet?" said Carlisle.
"I decided not to know. I wanted it to be a big surprise."
"Well, it can only really go two ways" said Carlisle.
"That’s what you think. I drink tons of booze so I might get one of those scary neuter-babies that’s born without junk"
"Junk?" asked Esme.
"You know… it’s parts."
"The
baby will be fine, Juno." said Edward quickly distract the others from
Juno’s last sentence. "I’ve been making sure you eat only healthy
foods".
"Yeah, and he’s careful that I don’t stand near a
microwave or eat red M&M’s. Although I don’t know if that’s not
part of another plan" Juno winks and Edward sighs disgusted
"I wish I was pregnant again" said Esme dreamily.
"You’re
lucky it‘s not you. Look - I’m getting huge! You wouldn’t believe what
I look like naked. Like, I actually have to wear a bra now. And I have
to rub this nasty cocoa butter stuff all over myself or my skin could
get stretched too far and explode".
“Hot” said Alice.
another awkward silence
"So,
Juno. We are really happy that you are here at our home. I’m sure
Edward told you enough about us already." said Carlisle to break the
uncomfortable silence.
"Don’t worry, dude. I know everything and
I’m cool with it. I think it’s so rad that you like blood. I’m a fan of
slasher movies, like the ones from Dario Argento and Herschel Gordon
Lewis. Have you seen Wizard of Gore and Suspira? You would enjoy them, it’s like Iron Chef, but for you guys.”
"Er… Juno, do you want a tour of the house?" said Edward politely to end Juno’s conversation with the Cullens.
"Can I use the facilities first? Being pregnant makes me pee like Seabuiscuit"
Edward and Juno climb upstairs. Juno uses the bathroom and comes out. Alice is standing outside
"Whoops! I didn’t expect to see you up here" said Juno.
"Sorry, I was just getting something"
"Did Rosalie send you to spy on me?"
"What? No!"
"Well,
you don’t just invite some random pregnant teenager into your house and
leave her unsupervised. I could be a total klepto for all you know"
"Or Rosalie could get to you first" she said quietly.
"Yeah… wait, what?"
"Thanks, Alice. I’ll take it from here" said Edward. Alice leaves.
"I did steal a squirt of perfume. What do you think, it’s Clinique happy. Smell those sparkling top notes!"
Edward inhales
"You don’t need perfume to smell delicious" he said.
"Oh, and YOU do? You already smell like Crabtree and Evelyn’s child"
Edward guides her down the hall
"Rosalie
and Emmett’s room… Carlisle’s office… Alice’s room…" he gestured
as he led Juno past the doors. Juno stops dead at the end of the hall
staring incredulously as the ornament hanging in the wall above her
head.
"No beep man!"
"You can laugh. It is sort of ironic"
"Isn’t it a bit, you know, suicidal?"
Edward rolls his eyes over
"My room" he said opening a door in the hall and pulling her through.
Juno stares at his mind boggling music collection
"You like music from the 50s?"
"Music in the fifties was good. Much better than the sixties, or the seventies, ugh! The eighties were bearable"
"WHAT? ‘77 was the best time for rock and roll! Punk Volume 1? You weren’t there, dude. So you can’t understand the magic"
"You weren’t even born yet!"
"Silencio!"
"So… what are your favorite bands?"
"It’s a three-way tie between The Stooges, Patti Smith and the Runaways".
"I don’t know what you’re talking about".
"Of course not. You’re Debussy’s child". snores
"I thought you liked Debussy"
"I sort of like it. I mean, it’s cute".
"Cute?"
"Well,
when you’re used to the power of Iggy and The Stooges, everything else
sounds kind of precious by comparison. I‘ll bun you a cd one day as a
part of your musical education".
"I’m dying to see what you’ve got to teach me"
"Well hang on to your pants, 100 year old virgin! So.. where is everybody?"
"Very subtly giving us some privacy, I suppose"
"They’re cool. Like a high fashion Adam’s Family. But Rosalie and Emmett…"
"Don’t worry about Rosalie. She’ll come around"
"Why is she so sure that I’m so poisonous?"
"You’re not, but we are"
"Oh, snap!"
"Seriously, though. Rosalie struggles the most with… with what we are. And she’s a little jealous"
"Rosalie jealous of me? Why, she wants to be pregnant with a bastard too? Like she needs bigger fun bags"
"You’re human, she wishes that she were too"
"Why
would she compare herself to a human blob when she looks like Heidi
Klum’s love child? And she gets to keep that look forever. I’m 16 and
I’m already sagging everywhere!"
"It’s also hard for her to have someone on the outside know the truth"
"You
too seem to be waiting for the running and screaming, aren’t you? I
hate to burst your bubble but you’re really not as scary as you think
you are, dude. I mean, you like Mozart for crying out loud. And Iggy
scares you, I can tell"
"You really shouldn’t have said that"
Edward growls and his body shifted suddenly, half-crouched, tensed like a lion about to pounce
"What the f–"
Edward
leaps at Juno and then they crashed into the sofa. All the while, his
arms formed an iron cage of protection around her. He curled her into a
ball against his chest and grinned"
"You were saying?"
"Jesus, Cullen! I should’ve come to you for the abortion if I had known about you sooner"
"I’m sorry, I forgot! Are you okay Juno?"
"Oh, cool it."
"Can we come in?"
Alice and Jasper are standing in the doorway
"It sounded like you were having Juno for lunch, and we came to see if you would share"
"Sorry, I don’t believe I have enough to spare"
"Okay… that’s just a little creepy, dude"
“Sorry, Juno” said Edward.
"Actually Alice says there’s going to be a real storm tonight and Emmett wants to play ball. Are you game?" said Jasper.
"Do you want to go, Juno?" said Edward.
"Wizard. What will we be playing?"
"You will be watching. We will be playing baseball"
"What? Share the love, Tits!"
Alice and Jasper stare
"He’s assaulting me! He’s denying me good ol’ sports goodness!"
Edward
drives Juno to her house first to wait until the storm hits. A black
car is parked in Juno’s driveway. It’s Jacob Black and his father Billy
"This is crossing the line"
"He came to warn my dad? Ugh. Let me deal with this"
"Be careful, though. The child has no idea"
"Dude, he’s a year younger than me"
"Oh, I know"
"Creep-oh!"
"Get them inside so I can leave"
"You don’t have to leave"
"Actually I do. You still have to prepare Mac to meet your new boyfriend"
Edward leaves and Juno greets Billy and Jacob
"Why don’t you come in for a minute and dry off?"
"Jake, why don’t you go and get that picture of Rebecca out of the car? I think I saw it in the trunk"
Billy and Juno go inside the house
"You’re getting really big there, Juno"
"I know. Look, I already have a snooze button" shows her belly
"Anyway,
my dad and Brenda won’t be back for a long time. They took Liberty Bell
to her figure ice skating classes. Like toddlers can skate. She can
barely rock the stairs"
"Juno, Mac is one of my best friends. Maybe it’s none of my business but I don’t think it’s good idea"
"Listen, Billy Blaaaaah-ck
You’re overstepping boundaries. Besides, who cares what they are? The
Cullens are totally rad. I can have friends who suck blood if I want to"
"It doesn’t work that way. It’s very dangerous in your condition. Think about your baby"
"You’re
acting like you’re the one who has to go through this and get huge and
push a baby out of you vag while being in love with a vampire"
"You don’t know squat about the dynamics of vampires… and I don’t have a vag"
"If you say so… And you don’t know squat about me!"
"I know enough. And does Mac and Brenda know enough as well?"
"They like the Cullens, dude."
"It’s not my business, but it may be theirs. Just think about what you’re doing, Juno"
"Okay"
"What I meant to say was, don’t do what you’re doing"
"You need to bounce, dude. Your kid is making me sneeze. I’m allergic to dogs".
"Well, I guess I’ll see you later, then, Juno. Take care".
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